“Honey, Do Your Jeans Look Short?”

You have GOT to check this out. This is unbelievable.
This is a government site — www.4parents.gov — set up by the Department of Health and Human Services to help parents talk to their kids about sex. Can you determine from this site what the American government thinks about sex? I don’t want to give it away, but here are two of my favorite morsels:

• “Delaying sex is a healthy choice for all teens. Even if teens never marry, the values created through abstinence such as respect, responsibility and self-control will benefit their future relationships.”
• "What if your teen has already had sex? Tell them it's not too late to stop having sex, that it's never too late to make healthy choices. They are worth it!”

Here are quotes from my favorite section, the “Conversation Starters” meant to help ease parents into talking about sex with their kids:
•“Your jeans are looking a little short! How much taller do you think you've grown since last year? More changes are going to happen. Do you know what some of those changes are?”
•“Some guys go out for a good time over the weekend, and end up with thousands of dollars taken out of their paychecks for the next 18 years. Do you know how that could happen?”
• “I heard that there was a wild party last weekend after the game. Have your friends been talking about it? Did you know that alcohol and drugs really increase the chances of having sex and getting a disease?”

Now, I’m all for parents and guardians informing kids about sex. In fact, I think that can be very important in developing healthy attitudes towards sexuality. And if people choose to abstain, they’re entitled to do so. But, I don’t agree with 4parents.gov’s approach or beliefs – I think this site is more harmful than helpful.

And don’t even get me started on the section called “The Facts”.

I’m not the only one who takes issue with this site. Check out these sources:
http://www.nydailynews.com/news/local/story/294979p-252547c.html
Associated Press via http://www.365gay.com/newscon05/03/033105abstain.htm
http://releases.usnewswire.com/GetRelease.asp?id=45145 (Press Release)

Nerdy Love

I was telling a friend about this magazine H-Bomb — Harvard’s sex magazine — that launched last Spring. He responded, “well, geeks like to have sex too.”

It’s very true (I should know...), and from the looks at these photos, Harvard’s rep of being prim, proper and over-achieving may be morphing into something a little sexier.

Hm.
I think a trip down to Boston may be in order.

It's Not Your Choice, It's the Pharmacy's

I’ve found an article about this whole pharmacies denying birth control business. Seems that pharmacies down in the US now seem to think they have rule over a woman’s decision when to have a baby (or not to, as it were). They're apparently refusing to sell birth control and morning-after pills because they're pro-life (read: anti-choice).

I think that the next thing we should to is mark the doors of anyone having sex outside of wedlock with a red ‘X’, just so we can be sure to identify them and avoid their dangerous ways. I hear promiscuity is catching!

I'm going to keep looking into this.

Half-Arsed Post

I'm sorry to say that I'm dead tired and have had the longest day in all of history. (Being tired also makes me prone to exaggeration.) What I'm leading up to is that my post today is kind of a teaser post. I'm going to follow my own advice from yesterday and get a good sleep tonight.

A friend and colleague forwarded me this link, and I'm going to look into it and follow-up in the next couple of days. I haven't heard anything about pharmacies denying women their birth control prescriptions, but if that's going down, someone has some explaining to do.

In the mean time you can check out an on-line petition addressing the issue here at prochoiceaction.org. More to come.

Sweet dreams!

Sleep On It

You know when you're tired? I mean really tired? Tired because you haven't had a good night's sleep in years? You're not the only one. The National Sleep Foundation discovered in a recent poll that 75% of adults experience sleeping difficulty and don't get the recommended minimum of 6.9 hours a night.

What does that mean to us? Foul moods, car accidents and — you guessed it — bad sex, or no sex at all. We can't have that. Personally, I'm a big fan of the afternoon siesta — I think we should all bed down for a cat-nap after lunch. Sadly, my employer doesn't agree with me. (No wonder Spain is such a sensual place; everyone is well-rested!)

So, if you don't care about being healthy and happy (those who sleep enough supposedly are both), at the very least, get enough sleep for the sake of your sex life.

Some Men Like It Cheap and Easy

Bangladesh-web.com is reporting today that scientists in India at the Indian Institute of Technology have come up with a way to make contraception just the way guys like it: cheap and easy. How is it done? Via injection.

It sounds very complex to me —polymers of some kind are electrically charged and injected into the vas deferens and then somehow the sperm are no longer able to fertilize an egg. But, if this shot — currently called the Reversible Inhibition of Sperm Under Guidance (RISUG) — really does make contraception easier and more pleasurable, I’m not going to question it. I will simply accept it with open arms.

RISUG has been patented in the US and in India, and additional patents are pending around the world. I’ll pass on more details as I get ‘em.

Sorry State of the Nation

Last week, the Sexuality Information and Education Council of the United States (SIECUS) released the 2004 state-by-state examination of sex education and abstinence-only-until-marriage programs and the amount of funding they receive.

Despite a lack of evidence that they work, the American government has spent over $1 billion on abstinence-only programs since 1982. Maybe it’s no surprise that Bush is the biggest spender of all on this particular initiative.

Lots of cash also goes to anti-abortion groups, and other ideologically based groups that ignore the needs of many young people, in particular LGBTQ youth. Remarkably, SIECUS reported that a congressional report found that some states even use misleading or incorrect sex-ed curricula. These states include: Arizona, Colorado, Florida and Oklahoma, to name a few. Advice for people who live in these states: either buy your kids some very good books about sex or… move.

Money Can't Buy You Happiness

...but sex sure can. So say British economists David Blanchflower of Dartmouth College and Andrew Oswald of the University of Warwick. Their recent study of 16,000 American adults and their varying levels of happiness found that increasing the frequency you have sex from once a month to once a week is similar to the pleasure brought by a $50,000-a-year raise. And, beyond that, having a happy marriage is the equivalent of earning approximately $100,000 more a year. So, a single person needs to make $100,000 more than a happily married person to be as content.

Of course, this kind of a study is a little suspect: context, personality traits and socio-economic background play into things like this on many levels. But, if nothing else, it shows that maybe slaving in the office for more cash, at the expense of spending time with the family, won't bring you as much joy as you perhaps thought it might. The study, called "Money, Sex and Happiness: An Empirical Study," has been submitted to the National Bureau of Economic Research.

Reader Question - Porn for 2

Hailey,
My girlfriend and I enjoy a healthy sex life, and never really have a need for anything else but each other. Although, every now and then we like to mix it up. One new idea is to watch porn together. She's never really seen any, so I suggested that we watch a soft porn together, so she wouldn't be turned off by the idea. My question is: Do you know of any good softcore porns that you could recommend, and maybe for later... any hardcore ones that are couple-friendly? Thanks.

In the very first issue of 2 Magazine I talked a bit about porn for couples. If we're talking hardcore, I recommend films directed by Candida Royalle as being couple-friendly, so check them out. Also recently found a great article by sex writer and porn reviewer Violet Blue on her website Tiny Nibbles about porn for couples and an article on how to watch porn for the very first time (we all love virgins!). If you want to start with softcore — and I can appreciate why you'd want to, but I have heard it said that life is too short for softcore — a number of Playboy titles might fit the bill. You know there's a lot of money for production in those films too, so the quality is usually decent. To be honest with you, I'm not up to snuff on my softcore, but I found a fellow on Amazon who seems to be a softcore aficionado — he's created a whole list of softcore titles and reviewed each of them.
Whatever you decide upon, I'm really excited for you and your girlfriend. It sounds like you two are in for some fun! Thanks for writing in.

Hot Links - Vol. 1

When I say hot, I mean it. So don't be going and opening these babies at work and getting mad at me when you get fired.

Freddy & Eddy: This is definitely not a site about Shreddies. This is a site about a couple named Freddy & Eddy who compile lots of great info/links/pics/news about lots of very sexy things. An example? Their extensive "Girls Kissing" galleries. Lovely.

SugarDVD: Sadly, this incredible service doesn't seem to be available to those of us in the Great White North. It's a great idea: you create a list of porn you'd like to see, pay a monthly fee and when one of the DVDs on your list is available, it's shipped to you (discreetly) and you can hang on to it as long as you want. No late fees (take that Blockbuster - SugarDVD did it first!). When you're done, you just send it right on back and they send you a new one. If you're reading in Canada, check it out anyway - they also sell DVDs and toys.

ErosBlog: Here's another sex blog, but this one's a little more explicit than mine. If you want a lot of saucy stuff, it's here. Tonnes of links and posts to roam around and get lost in. Just make sure you make your way back here eventually.

Scottish Episcopal Church Says "Aye" to Gay Priests

When they’re not rolling around drunk in the streets or flashing the neeps and tatties hiding under their kilts, Scots are wonderful. (Okay, they’re wonderful when rolling around drunk and flashing too.) Further proof: the Scottish Episcopal Church issued a statement today stating that they fully support ordaining homosexual priests, whether involved in physical relationships or not.

This further splits the Anglican church: both US and Canadian Anglicans have already received flicks on the wrist from the Church of England for various gay-friendly activities including blessing same-sex unions.

Watch this space: There could be a full-on Anglican vs. Anglican smack-down!

Tantra: That Thing That Sting & Trudy Do

If you’ve ever wondered about the mysteries of Tantra (for example: What’s a Tantra Antenna? And, can I call it a Tantrenna?), here’s a great little article that covers the basics and points to some great resources.

Tragedy & Comedy; Just Another Pornographic Opera

Spoiler alert! If any of you plan on going to Russia to see the opera Rosenthal’s Children, this CNN article tells you how it ends!! You’ve been warned.

What’s going on in Russia? You stage an opera about five of the most beloved composers in history — Tchaikovsky, Mozart, Wagner, Mussorgsky and Verdi — being cloned in the 1990s, pan-handling on the street and sleeping with prostitutes, and everyone goes nuts!

Amid concerns that Russia is returning to “Soviet-era” censorship, various groups and members of parliament are opposing this opera, claiming it’s vulgar and pornographic. Nevermind that the music is supposedly incredible and it’s the first operatic world-premiere at the Bolshoi Theater in almost thirty years.

Some have their knickers in a knot over the idea that public funds have been used depict musical geniuses fraternizing with prostitutes, and even Russian President Vladimir Putin has condemned the Bolshoi for staging the opera. MPs in parliament recently voted 226 to 12 to launch an inquiry. Though, they say this isn’t a form of censorship, because, well, if it doesn’t work out, they could always perform the opera somewhere else….

Read more about the scandal here: http://www.russianlondon.com/uknews/culture/23680/

“Can I have Great Sex Please? Snicker Snicker.” Groan.

Speaking of using sex to sell things, I think this company has maybe taken that idea a little too far. They call themselves Great Sex Brewing and they make Great Sex Brewing Ale. Their packaging oddly features an Adam & Eve theme, complete with snakes and apples and the likes. I mean, I get it: temptation, lust, etc. But, still… did we have to go biblical?

At the very least, I hope the beer is very tasty, because I think the novelty of going up to the bar and asking for “Great Sex” will wear off mighty quick. Except among kids who are ordering drinks at a bar for the first time – the appeal of ordering “sex on the beach” hasn’t dwindled for the first-timers, has it?

"Sex and the City" Round-Up

Okay, you knew it was coming. At some point, I’d have to mention Sex and the City. Many of my wonderful girlfriends like to tell people that I write a sex column when we’re out in public. Inevitably, someone (usually female) will say; “Oh my gosh! Just like Carrie Bradshaw! I want to be Carrie Bradshaw!”
And, really I’m not like Carrie Bradshaw at all — I’m younger and I can’t afford Manolo Blahniks for starters — but she’s become the face of all young, female sex writers to much of the public.

All that said, I’m a fan of the show, so I wanted to know what the women were all up to. Here’s what I unearthed:

Sarah Jessica Parker has been ousted from her GAP throne by the young Joss Stone. Her three-season deal as the store’s reigning campaign queen has come to an end, and Stone’s music and her image will be donning the crown for the summer.

Cynthia Nixon is scheduled to star in a movie for HDNet called One Last Thing. She plays a mother coping with a child with a terminal illness. Sounds like a tear-jerker. She's also a lesbian, but I think everyone knows that by now.

Kim Cattrall is playing a cold ice-skating coach in the movie Ice Princess. This is the movie she apparently turned down a SITC film for. Good choice? Haven’t seen it. But, I can guess.

Kristin Davis is the most surprising: she’s apparently obsessed with a monkey from the remake of The Shaggy Dog she’s shooting with Robert Downey and Tim Allen AND, she’s dating the most brilliant Steve Martin (who is, yes, 20 years her senior). Steve Martin is actually quite involved in the art scene, so maybe it’s somehow an extension of her character Charlotte, who worked in art galleries?

Finally: The Sex and the City movie may be back on. Apparently Kim Cattrall is reconsidering… Whether this is a good thing or a bad thing is TBD.

Sex Sells, Only if it's Silly

Kinsey Film Poster, originally uploaded by haileydai.

I found this really interesting story on CNN today. Turns out that sex doesn't sell a movie the way we think it does. Apparently, sex can be funny or silly or suspenseful in a movie, but if a movie features adults in intimate and explicit scenes, a lot of moviegoers will shy away and no money will be made.

The story discusses the box-office failures of movies like Eyes Wide Shut, Inside Deep Throat, Brown Bunny, The People vs. Larry Flynt, Kinsey and Closer. Despite the lure of A-list actors, media buzz, amazing reviews and explicit sex, seems most people would rather see movies like these (if at all) in the comfort of their own homes. (I must be the exception to the rule — I saw most of these movies in the theatre. The only one of that bunch that I haven't seen is Brown Bunny. Why, do you ask? Because I really have little to no desire to see Vincent Gallo get head from anyone, let alone Chlöe Sevigny, which is the only thing I have ever heard about this film.)

This story doesn't bode well for the much anticipated and luke-warmly reviewed (thus far) 9 Songs. I've heard it said that the film is sex for sex's sake and that it actually has no substance, except for a bunch of live concert footage from bands like The Dandy Warhols and Franz Ferdinand.

Hey, wait a sec — I thought it was supposed to be a bad movie. Sounds mighty good to me.

"I Pledge Allegiance to my Cherry"

Now, I don’t think that making a virginity pledge is a very very bad thing – if that’s what a young person wants to do, then they have every right to do it. I wouldn’t advise someone do that (when it comes to serious commitments like marriage, I’m a try-before-you-buy kind of girl), but I believe everyone is entitled to their own choices with their own sexuality, and that includes abstaining.

But, it turns out that making a virginity pledge is a lot like a donut with rainbow sprinkles: sure does look good to some, but ultimately, there’s not much to it. A recent Yale study of 12,000 young ones finds that pledge-makers are at just as much risk as non-pledge-makers of contracting an STI. Other studies show that a good number don’t actually follow through with their pledge, and most of these pledge-breakers are grossly undereducated when it comes to the ways of coitus. I’m not talking about methods or maneuvers; I’m talking about birth control, STI protection, etc. And, correct me if I’m wrong, but I think when it comes to the ideas of abstinence and virginity pledges, ignorance is way too dangerous to be bliss.

Zipp It!

On Friday, Manhattan media blogolith gawker.com reported that the republican editor of Playgirl (mentioned in a post on March 9th), is no longer with the magazine. Michele Zipp and her assistant have both fled the man-flesh mag. Sounds like Zipp was canned and her assistant quit in protest, but that's a guess.

I’ll pass along any more dish as I get it.

Wondering if the Playgirl team just couldn’t handle that their editor actually favoured Bush in the end.

Over Kerry, I mean.

*Note: You can read a statement from Playgirl about the dismissal here.

It’s Official: Cheerleading is Evil

I always knew it – cheerleaders ARE evil. What with their “spirit” and their “wanting to hear it” and the likes.

And, down in Texas, a certain state rep has his ducks all in a row – he knows what’s important, and he’s going after it: forget poverty and inequality and the terrible things happening every day all around the world. What really needs to be done here? We must put a stop to cheerleaders’ provocative dance moves!
The gyrating is just too hot and too suggestive for Al Edwards to handle, not to mention that it apparently contradicts the abstinence-only message Texans are trying to drill into their children’s heads. He wants cheerleading to go back to the days of propriety: just a bunch of cute girls dancing and bouncing and flipping around in short skirts. There was no hip gyrating in the good old days. Please, for Al’s sake, can’t we get back to the age of innocence?

I feel like somehow we’re back in the ‘50s and Elvis has just burst onto the scene, shaking his hips and driving the poor helpless young women of the world straight into the arms of the devil.

Is it just me, or are we somehow moving backwards in time?

50 Cent Begs to be the Next Fred Durst

50 Cent, or “Fitty” as I like to call him, is nothing if not thorough. Webindia123 is reporting today that the rap superstar videotapes all of his sexual endeavours to extricate himself from any future lawsuits. He apparently does the courtesy, of course, of making his partners aware they will be filmed by surveillance cameras.
Not only does Fitty like the legal peace of mind he gets from these tapes, he also enjoys watching himself “perform”. And, if he’s not careful, the rest of the world will also enjoy watching him perform when those tapes are leaked.

But, who am I kidding? By that point, everyone and their uncle will have sex tapes floating around on the Internet and no one will notice 50 more.

Does make you wonder; is Fitty a one-room kind of guy? Or does he have these surveillance cameras all over his home? Hmmm.

Gun Shy/Phone Bold

Aw! People are shy! They don’t like to buy sex books.
So, instead, they can now buy ‘em and read ‘em without anyone ever knowing. How will they perform this magical feat? Online shopping? Discreet delivery? No! Cellphones!

People in Japan can now read books on their cell phones. In theory, I like this idea. But in practice, those are some small-ass screens. All I’m saying is, Japan, be careful. Don’t strain your eyes. But I hope you learn some great sex tips! Also, be wary of reading erotica on public transit: could end up being a little embarrassing. *nudge*

Speaking of reading erotica on your cell phone, seems like this young man, quoted in a cnews story, has the right idea: "'You can read whenever you have a spare moment, and you don't even need to use both hands,' says Taro Matsumura, a 24-year-old graduate student who sometimes reads essays and serial novels on his phone." We all know what he means by “essays” and “serial novels”, don’t we? *nudge, again*

Three's a Crowd

jane_fonda_workin'out, originally uploaded by haileydai.

Turns out Jane isn't fond 'a threesomes (I'm sorry — I had to). In her autobiography, due to hit US shelves some time in April, she alleges she was forced to participate in threesomes by her ex-husband, Roger Vadim.

Sometimes it was a prostitute hired by Vadim that would share their bed and on other occasions, Fonda was forced to seduce another woman using her skills learned as by playing prostitute in the movie Klute. (That's method acting gone too far, I should think.)

Well, I don't really know what to say other than... that sucks. Jane, I'm sorry to hear that. Can I be honest with you? I just really wanted to put this picture of you onto my site. It's gold, is what it is.

Naughty or Nice? You can be both.

It’s a sad but typical story – this couple in Alberta had a baby and their sex life went down the drain. Rather than letting it slip away, they decided to fight to keep their fires stoked: thus a book of erotic fantasies was spawned.

Don and Deb McLeod say they’re pretty normal, pretty vanilla, when it comes to sex, but acting out these fantasies have helped them get their spark back. They had such a great time, they decided to write their fantasies down as an act of public service. Lo and behold, they secured a fancy New York book deal, and the rest is history. The book, called The French Maid and 21 More Naughty Sex Fantasies to Surprise and Arouse Your Man, includes instructions, prop suggestions and scenarios to help even the fuddy-duddiest among us to benefit from a little role-playing.

Good Bye Stairmaster, Hello Sex

Many of us have known this for ages: sex is fantastic for your body. And I’m not talking about physical sensation alone – I’m talking about toning and losing weight. The calories you burn during sex are impressive, and varying your sexual positions can tone your muscles. There are now even sexercise and sex diet books on the market like The Ultimate Sex Diet by Kerry McCloskey.

Of course, a healthy diet and regular exercise are keys to good health, but a little sex (or a lot of sex) can really help you get into shape. And, listen, I’ll take sex over a heinous bowl of cabbage soup any day!

Sex Bomb? Sex Bomb? Not a Sex Bomb.

I think this might be a sex-doll owner’s worst nightmare.

Someone in Germany ordered a sex doll and when it arrived, he realized it was in some way deficient. But that’s not the “worst nightmare” part, thought I suppose if he had been anticipating said doll for a number of weeks, it could be very disappointing.
He then packed his doll back up, intent on returning it to the manufacturer. However, he forgot to remove two rather important things from the toy: the batteries.
So, when the package started to whir and hum and whatever else in the middle of the post office, all of the postal workers freaked right out, because they thought it could be a bomb.
The poor man got a visit from the authorities and everything was cleared up, but now his embarrassing story is all over the world.

The guy just wanted some (plastic) loving – is that so wrong?

At least his name is withheld.

Dana Carvey Must Love Canada Right Now

Dana Carvey looking suave, originally uploaded by haileydai.

I don't know how many of you saw Dana Carvey's HBO special back in 1995, but I taped it and watched it numerous times with various friends and family members (the bits about his kids and rock stars slay me still). In said special, not only did he discuss pot-smoking at length, he also suggested — during a joke about Hugh Grant if I remember — that prostitution should be legalized, taxed and regulated. Lots of people clapped when he said this.

Well Dana, Canada has heard your call... we've heard your call.

Starting today, the first public review of the sex trade in Canada in twenty years will examine how to make things safer for sex workers — they may find decriminalization is a way to go. Currently, prostitution itself is not illegal but solicitation is. A justice subcommittee is hopping around the country, stopping in many major cities. The subcommittee's report is due in June. Read the story from CTV here.

Of course, the idea of decriminalizing prostitution upsets a number of people. Read an opposing view here from the Vancouver Rape Relief & Women's Shelter.

ps - He's totally loving Canada right now - see that look on his face? He's looking at us. The eyes say it all...

California Dreaming of Same-Sex Marriage

A judge in San Francisco has just taken gay marriage a step closer to legality in the state of California. Massachusetts is the only state in the US that currently allows same-sex couples to get hitched and maybe California isn’t far behind. San Francisco County Superior Court Judge Richard Kramer ruled that denying marriage licenses to gay and lesbian couples is unconstitutional, plain and simple.

His findings have been stayed for 60 days, giving pots-full of people the chance to appeal and make a mess out of what could be a beautiful and positive thing.

Read the story (via the Globe & Mail) here.

The Anatomy of a New Reality TV Show

Found an article today by Cheryl Jackson of the Chicago Sun-Times about a new Chicago-based reality TV show pilot — called "A More Perfect Union" — all about couples going through couples' therapy to save their relationships. On an entertainment level, I can appreicate this concept - the voyeur factor of this show will be through the roof. However, some things in this story seem to hide deeper meanings. See below:

• "Their relationship wasn't in trouble, but the show intrigued Martinez." (My thoughts: Martinez really really REALLY wanted to be on TV.)

• " His girlfriend had a requirement before agreeing to reality TV. "I didn't want to be on a 'Temptation Island'-type show," Valdovinos said." (My thoughts: His girlfriend also really wanted to be on TV, but not as bad as Martinez.)

• "Berman, also a correspondent for "Good Morning, America," said she got the idea from looking at the glut of reality shows on TV." (My thoughts: This show is possibly a last-ditch effort at a reality TV cash-grab before the whole thing goes bust.)

• "I thought, 'Wouldn't it be great if there was a reality show out there that was positive for people? The stories that unfold in my office are really as fascinating or more so than fiction," Berman said. "The intimate details that people share about their lives. The pain they go through. A husband telling his wife he is no longer attracted to her. Hearing her admit that she's having an affair.'" (My thoughts: Yes. I suppose if you're a sadist, watching someone be humiliated and devastated all at once on TV is kind of "positive.")

• "This isn't going to be about showing people having sex at all. It will be about their intimacy, their connection, their conflicts, their fears," she said. "This is a show about saving relationships, and sex, obviously, plays a role in that." (My thoughts: This show is going to be very much about people having sex.)

Everyone keep their fingers crossed this pilot gets picked up! And, a little word to the wise, if your relationship is in legitimate trouble, going on TV to get it fixed is probably not a great idea.

It's True, I Do Like it.

So, I'm a little bit late on this one, but I just discovered it today. Way back in November 2004, woofactor.com posted a little sumthin' about me.
Besides the fact that it has nice things to say about me and about 2 Magazine, I'll endorse it because it's a fun site full of fun links and celeb relationship news. Pay a visit.

The Great Cheating Debate plus Shameless Plug

Back when I posted about that crazy cheating-investigation book on Monday, March 7, an astute reader posted a comment posing the question: What exactly defines cheating?

I don’t think there’s any straight answer to that question, though I did speak to Dr. Sue Johnson of Ottawa University about infidelity for a story I’ve written for the Spring 2005 issue of 2 Magazine, and we touched on that issue exactly. You’ll have to pick up a copy when it hits the stands to read the story (*shameless grin*), but I’ll give you a quick little test to do if you’re not sure if you’re crossing into cheating territory:

Whatever it may be — flirting heavily with a co-worker, paying to watch porn online, calling a chat line — if your partner were to find out, would they be incredibly upset? ‘Cause when it comes to the grey areas, defining what’s okay and what’s not often lies with how your behaviour would affect your partner.

Give me your feedback: do you agree with me? How would you define cheating? Leave a comment or email me (subject heading: Cheating Debate) at haileydai@hotmail.com and let the debate begin! Anonymity guaranteed, if desired.

Teens + Sex = A Need for Accurate Info

Young teens are going to have sex. This is the way of the world. We can try to fight it, but that’s kind of like fighting rain in Vancouver or Cher’s career: ain’t no way to stop it. I’m not saying all young people everywhere will have sex; some won’t, but many will.

The best thing adults can do is arm teens with as much information about sex (safe sex and safe relationships in particular) as they can to prevent misinformed decision-making ie: “The rhythm method is foolproof!” or “If I don’t have sex with him, he’ll dump me, and I don’t want that.” Some adults could use this same type of information, but that’s another issue.

Sometimes (many times?) teens don’t want to be lectured to, or discuss sex with anyone, let alone parents or teachers or anyone over 28, so the web has become an important resource for young people looking for the facts.

If you know a young person — or you are a young person — looking for some info beyond the basic birds-and-bees, here are some great sites to check out:

http://www.sxetc.org - A site for teens by teens
http://www.sexualityandu.ca/eng/teens/ - From the Society of Obstetricians and Gynaecologists of Canada
http://www.teenwire.com/ - From the Planned Parenthood Federation
http://www.scarleteen.com/ - A great online magazine

Maxi-Mum: The Silent Pad Wrapper

To my female readers: I’d like to do a little informal survey about sanitary napkins.

When all of this business about ‘quieter pad wrappers’ started, I was baffled. I’ve never given two hoots whether the woman in the stall next to me knows I’m menstruating or not. Maybe if I was in a restroom filled with dignitaries and all of my boyfriend’s female relatives I’d feel differently. But that’s rarely the case, and even then, I doubt I’d really care. After all, we’re all women, and we all know we get our period… so why be embarrassed?

But maybe I’m in the minority – clearly it bothers enough of us that the pad-makers of the world felt it necessary to reduce the volume on their products. Or are these wrappers for young women just starting their periods who are still a little freaked by the whole experience?
What do you all think: smart or silly? Do you now breathe a little easier knowing you can apply a pad or liner in relative silence, or do you, like me, fail to see what all the fuss is about?

Leave a comment or drop me an email (subject heading: Maxi-Mum) at haileydai@hotmail.com. Anonymity guaranteed, if desired.

Sex? Um... no, I'll pass.

When we talk about sexuality we think about heterosexuality, homosexuality and bisexuality. But that doesn't cover everyone. There are heaps of people who don't really identify with any of the "big three".

Though it may be difficult for some to imagine, there are many around the world who simply don't experience sexual attraction. Don't really care to look, touch or experience anything sexual. It's not that they have an aversion, necessarily, it's just that they don't care - sex is not on their radar. (There are a few different theories on why this is the case, but the research is scant, at best.)

You can imagine how little room there might be for asexuals in a culture driven by sex on a lot of levels, but that's beginning to change. The Asexual Visibility & Education Network has it's own site full of info and a message board that contains over 3,000 registered members. There is also an online personals site at asexuallove.net—just cause you're not sexual doesn't mean you don't want relationships.

So, if sex in any form just isn't your bag (though, maybe you wouldn't be visiting my site if that were the case...), you're not alone.

Political Playgirl

Playgirl March 2005, originally uploaded by haileydai.

I admit that I have never purchased a copy of Playgirl magazine. Perhaps this is irresponsible; I'm not sure. But, I think that once the April issue hits the stands, I'll be making a trip to my friendly newsagent to pick up a copy. The April issue not only features a discussion of the history of kissing/interview with the most wonderful Candida Royalle (who I interviewed for the Spring 2005 issue of 2 Magazine!!), but also because the editor-in-cheif apparently breaks down whether a republican or a democrat is hotter in bed.
If we translate that into Canadian terms, I'd bank on a liberal every time, but her point is that the republican types (read: conservative types) are bull-headed and determined, and that makes them wild between the sheets. I don't know if I believe it, but maybe it's something to think about.

By the way, said editor-in-chief of Playgirl is a republican. Who would have guessed?

Tennessee Condom-Tosser Goes Down

condoms. jpg, originally uploaded by haileydai.

Wine and cheese.
Nachos and salsa.
Proms and sex.
These things have been paired since the dawn of time (well...). So, when a Tennessee teen tossed out condoms at a pre-prom fashion show (I guess that's what they do down in the States), he was simply being responsible. Right?
Unfortunately for him, his Assistant Principal didn't seem to think the same way I do. Young Josh Eustice, who was modeling a tuxedo at the time of the tossing, got ten days' suspension from school (one day for every three condoms thrown). He's now worried his marks will plummet.

Of course, it makes sense. He should be punished severely! He not only suggested that young people are having sex, he also suggested they should do it safely. He's probably an anarchist! Or a communist! Or both.

...

Sigh.

I Heart Microbicides!

Oh, I like them so much. And I also like the fact that there are some people in the US senate fighting to get more funding for them on this International Women’s Day. What are they and why do I love them? Because they’ll allow women — especially in parts of the world where insisting their male partners wear condoms and stay faithful isn’t an option (a sad reality) — to protect themselves from HIV infection.
Not yet available for public use, microbicides are topical creams (gels, films, etc.) applied to the vagina that prevent the spread of HIV infection. They won’t replace condoms, and won’t be foolproof, but they’ll cut the rate of infection by millions if they make it to market.
They’re working on some microbicides that will be contraceptives and others that won’t — good news for any woman who has to make the decision to either have kids or be exposed to a deadly disease. So, the more money that goes towards research, the better.
More information can be found at www.global-campaign.org.

Is He Cheating on You? 829 Telltale Signs

Came across a book today while traveling the world-wide web called Is He Cheating on You? 829 Telltale Signs by Ruth Houston.
829 signs? Really? Is there anything left that a man can do to indicate he’s NOT cheating?
I managed to find the first 17 pages online (as well as a bunch of people singing this book’s praises on Amazon) and to me it sounded like a whole whack of dysfunction.
829 seems like an awful lot of signs.
And, if you’re spending all your time trying to detect these 829 things, as well as recording them all in a journal that you keep "under lock and key" (wish I was kidding, but that’s what the author recommends), you won’t really have any time to work on whatever it is that is creating both your rampant paranoia as well as his possible straying.
She says you shouldn’t ask him straight out; that you should build your evidence first before confronting him (and this makes sense to a degree). However, to do this (build your evidence), you must perform a number of private-dick type tasks (including: “Smell his person”). She does warn that you shouldn’t endanger yourself or your children when “investigating”. Good tip.
My feeling is this: If you have purchased a book like this and you are doing any kind of investigating of your partner, your trust is clearly already shot. Whether he’s cheating or not, you’re going to need some kind of professional help or at least some serious soul-searching.

Porno Chic - Inside Deep Throat

Just saw the documentary Inside Deep Throat. It was really fascinating. Deep Throat itself was before my time, and I suppose many people my age now take access to porn for granted. Back then, going to see this movie was a revolutionary act. Sex just wasn't something talked about in public all that much in the early 70s, so that people went to see this movie in droves was really a cultural revolution. Inside Deep Throat was less about Deep Throat itself and more about the politics that surrounded it: censorship being the biggest issue on the table.

Over 30 years after Deep Throat was made, censorship is still a burr in the fur of our society (for Canada's censorship issues, read up on The Butler Decision of 1992 [each of the links will take you different sources of info on Butler]). It's a huge issue and there are lots of grey areas. If you're interested in any of them, check out the movie. Not only is it a small lesson in censorship laws in the US in the second half of the 20th Century, it's also incredibly hilarious and tragic by turns. And there are also breasts, vaginas and penises in the movie (*gasp*), so if any of these offend you, steer clear!

Swimming Upstream

I was recently enlightened to the fact that lube can form a sort of sperm barrier*! This has, of course, warranted the creation of a sperm-friendly lubricant for those trying to get preggers. A company named INGfertility has come up with Pre-seed, an "intimate moisturizer" that helps give the little swimmers more than a fighting chance. All the info you could want about this product is on their website, including fancy microscopic images and slightly baffling scientific tables. You can order Pre-seed from the most wonderful Come As You Are.


*Please note that personal lubricant (K-Y, Wet, Astroglide, whatever your druthers) is NOT, in any way, a contraceptive device. When they say sperm barrier, they simply mean that if a couple is trying to get knocked up, lube may slow down the process in some cases. And for many couples, sperm needs all the help it can get to make it to the egg. That's why this product exists. Don't even think about using any type of lube as a contraceptive device on its own. Even if it has nonoxynol-9 in it. Seriously. Don't even think about it. I do not recommend that.

Is Nothing Sacred?

Jellies, originally uploaded by haileydai.

Okay, so people all over the place are freaking out (again! they all
freaked out in 2003 too) about pre-teens and teens wearing jelly
bracelets. Remember these things? I wore them when I was in grade four,
along with every other girl I knew, and Madonna. Down in parts of the US,
there's been a ban on these seemingly harmless things. They apparently send sexual codes. What?
Yes.
There are different ways to decipher the codes, but here's an example:
Blue means oral sex
Black means sex
Pink means licking butt
White means lap dance.
The belief is that if young Johnny "snaps" young Judith's black jelly,
she MUST have sex with him.
I think we need to give the young people of the world some credit. I remember being 12 and this sounds very much like innocent games that felt slightly provocative at the time, but that we'd never EVER take very far.
Like "seven minutes of heaven"; remember? You'd get sent into a closet for seven minutes with someone and you'd MAYBE smootch furtively, maybe there'd be some awkward grabbing of a breast, but you'd spend most of the time giggling in the dark?
And, honestly, what the hell 12 year old wants to lick anyone's butt?
I think this is a lot of paranoia and there needs to be some serious
chilling out going on. That said, it does look like some adults are into this whole sex bracelet business.
Oh, and there's something else about banning black jellies because they
promote goth culture. Watch out! They're mobilizing to ban licorice next!!

If Love be the Food of Music...

You know what I've been thinking for a while now? I've been thinking that what this world needs is an album of songs created entirely from sounds recorded during sex. Oh, and thank goodness for me, others have been thinking the same.
Jessica Vale, Ivan Evangelista and Jean-Luc Cohen of New York City have created and released (on Valentine's Day no less) The Sex Album on Explicit Records. Every single sound on this album (save for the vocals) was originally something recorded during sex: some hand-to-ass slappage for drums; some pitch-shifted vibrators for bass lines and some restraint-velcro noise for atmosphere. The result is a collection of darkly ambient songs that are surprisingly lovely.
I applaud these three for their innovative album - not everyone has the presence of mind to stick a microphone into a body cavity to record "subtle convulsions and shifts of internal body fluids" and then make a song out of what that sounds like. I would rather no one hears my subtle convulsions, but "making beautiful music together" has taken on a whole new meaning for me.

Savage Love on savage loving

You may remember a couple of weeks ago when that super-HIV strain popped up in New York City. Since then there’s been heaps of debate about HIV and crystal meth and sexual irresponsibility etc., etc., etc.
Dan Savage suggested in his column last week that those who knowingly infect others with HIV (a horrible and sick thing to do if you ask me) should pay, not only for their own meds, but also help pay for the meds of everyone they infect. His thought was that financial incentives to practice safer sex may be more effective than a legal ones (here in Canada it’s currently a felon to knowingly infect someone else — you may have heard about that man who was charged with first-degree murder last week after two women he infected passed away). This week, Dan has published a bunch of letters both applauding and reprimanding him. And then he goes ahead and applauds and reprimands them right back.

Which Reminds Me: Let's Play Six Degrees of Separation

Jake & Maggie Gyllenhaal at the 2005 Academy Awards, Carlo Allegri/Getty Images, originally uploaded by haileydai.

(I could have said "sex degrees" but that's too obvious. And maybe too sad.)

Speaking of nude Peter Sarsgaard, last time I checked he was embroiled with the strangely lovely (and increasingly gaunt?) Maggie Gyllenhaal. Maggie, however, showed up to the Oscars with her gorgeous brother Jake. I wonder where Peter was, but that could be another kettle of fish.
So, let's now link sweet Jake Gyllenhaal to Aussie Heath Ledger, toss in some gorgeous man-to-man loving and you end up with the film Brokeback Mountain . Directed by Ang Lee and coming out sometime in 2005, there's been lots of buzz about this movie, though no expected nudity. There was a nude scene (skinny-dipping?) that I've heard has been cut from the film, though pics of Heath in the buff are floating about on the Internet (finders keepers!!). The movie is apparently a heart-breaking love story about two cowboys who meet in Wyoming in 1963. Rumor has it that Heath almost broke Jake's nose during a particularly fierce on-screen kiss... I've got my ticket money put aside already.

Kinsey Coming to DVD (pun both noted and intended)

Peter Sarsgaard in Kinsey, originally uploaded by haileydai.

I don't know how many of you saw Kinsey, but I sure as heck did. If you're interested in the history of sexology, or even sexuality for that matter, it's fascinating. Also, seeing Peter Sarsgaard walk around with no clothes on was more than worth admission for me.
If you'd like to see him walk around with no clothes on in the comfort of your own home, two different DVD editions will be released May 17th by 20th Century Fox. One will be your plain-old single DVD edition, and the other will be a fangled two-DVD special edition. What makes it special? Beyond the movie and the usual suspects found on the plain-old DVD (trailer and director commentary) it'll contain the following:
- The Kinsey Report: Sex on Film
- 20 deleted scenes plus alternative ending with optional commentary by director/writer Bill Condon
- Gag reel
- Sex Ed at the Kinsey Institute
- Interactive Sex Questionnaire
- Theatrical trailer
- What the Bleep? Trailer.
I love a good gag reel, but your guess is as good as mine as to what the What the Bleep? Trailer might be.

And, if you're interested in the good work of the good people at the Kinsey Institute at Indiana University, go to http://www.indiana.edu/~kinsey/.

UPDATE: A lovely reader left me a note to let me know that What the Bleep? is actually an independent film. I wonder if it's the What the Bleep Do We Know? movie I've heard so much about. Anyway, that solves the mystery: it's not some kind of gag-trailer for Kinsey, as I was hoping it might be.

Sheathing in Anger in California Prisons

Medical News Today is reporting there’s a huge brouhaha down in California about distributing condoms, dental dams and similar items to inmates in sunny-state prisons. Being the progressive folks that we are, we here Canada already provide protection to our inmates and so do various countries in Europe, South America as well as Vermont (not surprised) and Mississippi (pleasantly surprised).

Some right-wingers are bent out of shape over it because they worry it’ll encourage sexual acts, just like distributing condoms to teens does (don’t get me started on that business). Apparently these critics don’t know what it’s like to have hormones. Can they honestly believe that no protection will mean no sex? If it means anything at all, it’ll mean sex sans protection going down behind bars. And with many inmates arriving with various STIs (Sexually Transmitted Infections), it’s not smart to deny them a way to prevent the spread.

2 Magazine: Winter 2005

2wintercover_resized, originally uploaded by haileydai.

Here's the cover of the Winter 2005 issue of 2. Mostly I've put this up here to figure out how to post pictures to my blog. Maybe I'd also like you to see the amazing artistry of my friends over at 2. If you don't have a copy of this issue, go get it, because it won't be available forever. The Spring issue will be coming soon, and it'll be a doozy (complete with sex guide!!). Watch for it!