Dime a Dozen

I always knew that I was one of many—one in a long line of sex columnists. One of the many young women who have turned to writing about tittilation, teasing and testicles after the Sex and the City blew up all over everything.

The picture to the left features six more of my kind. The one thing that separates me from them, however (besides the American border), is the way we approach writing about sex. While these women happily share details about their own sex life, I never have (maybe some things have slipped out, or could be gleaned from my writings). This is partially out of respect for my partner—who'd rather I didn't—and partially for my own sake. You see, because there are many women all over the world who are now writing about sex, I don't have to be another one to share my sexual triumphs and mishaps. Maybe it's not as exciting as reading about slippery thighs or broken condoms or embarrassing queefs (vaginal farts), but I've always been more interested in the broader issues. I guess I figure that the small details of my sex life are not all that important to anyone but me (and my partner, I damn well hope). Well, and there are some things I want to keep as my own.

So, if any of you have ever wondered why I don't write about my own sex life, that's why. And well, there are enough people doing that already—there's room enough for all of us!

The women above were gathered for a sex-columnist roundtable discussion (my invite must have been lost in the mail...) for New York magazine. It seemed to get a little catty (fantastic!), and it's fun to see what other sex writers are up to. And, it was part of a larger mating issue by the mag—there's a whole mess of great sex-related stories in there. Visit it here.

PS - Just to add to the cattiness, while these women seem to be getting enough sex to at least write about it, some of them sure could use a little help in the fashion department. Yikes!

Mask-ulinity?

Rainbow, originally uploaded by haileydai.

(You love that heading... I know it.)

So, with Brokeback Mountain on it's way out—if you've been out of touch with every source of media for many months, you won't know that this is a movie starring Jake Gyllenhaal and Heath Ledger. It's about two cowboys who fall in love (magnificent!)—there's a lot of talk about gay men and straight men and masculinity and femininity and homosexuality and heterosexuality and spurs and stetsons, etc.

For example, I found a very interesting story in the Toronto Star about this very thing, and—despite the liberation one might experience coming out of the closet—that being a gay male in various arenas (acting, professional sports, politics, media) can still be a strike against you. Seems it's not the same bag of tricks for gay women, but I'd wager that just being a woman at all can still be a strike against you in some arenas.

Despite how our culture's attitude towards homosexuality has seemed to progress, for some the idea of a masculine gay man is still too abstract to grasp.

Actor Scott Thompson discusses various A-list actors that he seems to know are gay, but who play it straight in public to keep their careers up at the top of the alphabet. He asked that the names not be published, but now I'm just DYING to know who they are! Damn you Thompson, you with your teasing!

You can read the story here, at thestar.com (registration required, but it's free).

Lie With Me on the Big Screen

This may look like a children's book, but it so very much is not. It's maybe the complete opposite of a children's book. It's probably the most sexual book I've ever read. Figuring the cover was innocent enough, I started to read it on a train, and let me tell you: you do NOT want to be reading this book in a public place. Unless you're into that kind of thing. It follows a lusty woman (occasionally lusty in a very upsetting and desperate way) through various (very explicit) sexual encounters with both men and women, all rotating around the axis of one man with whom she seems to have a love/hate relationship. The book is really very interesting, kind of tortured (both literally and figuratively), very hot and the writing is quite impressive. I've always liked this book.

That said, I was surprised to learn that this book is now a movie (going by the same title). It's opening on Friday in Toronto. I'll have to see it, as I'm completely intruiged by the whole idea of having a book this sexually explicit translate on screen. I'm not sure what the schedule is for any release dates around the world, but here's a bit about the movie from AM900 CHML. The movie stars Lauren Lee Smith (from the L Word) as the woman and Eric Balfour (24 and Six Feet Under) as the man.

Nice to note: Toronto itself seems to be a co-star in this movie. Sexy movie + lots of Toronto = fantastic.

No More!

This isn't really sex-related, but what the hell. It's my blog and I can say what I want. This is really about celebrities, and they have sex (most of them) so, there's a link there.

Here's my beef: the combo-names. First there was Bennifer. Then another Bennifer. Then Brangelina. And now, today, I read Vinceifer. VINCEIFER.

It's too much.
It was cute at first, but Vinceifer takes it too far.

And, god help us all if there is ever a celebrity couple that everyone obsesses about and their names are Ann and Ben. Then what? Then what are you gonna do combo-namers?! *End Rant*

Also, I know everyone is talking about how much sex there is on TV now relative to 1992 or whenever and how that's probably indiciative of a complete societal meltdown.

It's just the motion of the ocean folks, no need to panic. Sex on TV ebbs and sex on TV flows. Currently, yes, it's flowing. But, if we should be worried about anything on TV I'd suggest it would be anything that makes violence look glamorous.

But hey, that's just me.

New Global Sex Survey

Apparently, the 2005 Durex Global Sex Survey results were released today. I've been trying to get onto the bloody Durex site all day, but with no luck.

Here, you try: www.durex.com.

Until I can see them for myself and come up with something witty to say about the results, here's a link to a story from Halifax Live that says the survey revealed that Canadian women are more satisfied in bed than their male counterparts. I doubt it's because we're easier to please. They say it's because we're better at asking for what we want. Hm.

Bucking Convention

condoms. jpg, originally uploaded by haileydai.

Well, I must say, this story is definitely one of the most intriguing I've read in a while. There's a gay therapist in the UK who is running workshops that teach gay men how to prevent the spread of HIV without using condoms. (And, no, abstinence is not what he's teaching, thank god.)

It sounded absurd at first, but the more I think about it, the more sense it makes. He admits that condoms are always the best way to prevent the spread of any STIs (STDs, whatever), but the statistics show that many gay men simply don't use them all of the time. I'd wager that a lot of these gay men also know the risks and are relatively well educated about the transmission of HIV and yet still indulge in risky behaviours. It sucks, but it seems that many men would agree: it feels better without a condom.

I don't advocate going without a condom, and neither does Michael Shernoff (the therapist running the workshop). But if someone isn't going to wear one, here are some of the things he says gay men should do to help prevent the spread of HIV (and, for the record, he suggests doing more than one of these at any given time):
• serosort (have sex with those who have the same HIV status as you do)
• if you're negative, be the top; if you're positive, be the bottom
• don't cum in your partner
• be open about your HIV status and always ask your partner for theirs

He's got a few other tips, and, as I've said, a condom is always the best option. But it's interesting to think about. As Shernoff said, it's perhaps not that the AIDS awareness campaigns aren't working... maybe it's that they're not evolving.

Read more from uk.gay.com here.

Sexual Index

Harper's Magazine is one of my favourite magazines. It's often very insightful, very interesting, very funny, and very very. One of the regular things I look forward to in each issue is the Harper's Index: a collection of facts and figures that often astonish and enrage me and occasionally amuse me.

This month I was treated to some sexual facts, and I hope Harper's won't mind if I re-create them here. I really do encourage everyone to check out the magazine - it's one of the best.

• Percentage of US women who own vibrators: 46
• Number of erotic Harry Potter fan-fiction stories posted on a website run by an Illinois woman: 1, 750
• Average number of hits the site receives each day: 198,000

And for those of you as curious as I was, here's another story about Harry Potter erotica (and what Warner Bros. is trying to do about it) from http://sfgate.com.